Christmas Anger Yey!

For those who were worried after my last post, don't. The closest I will get to risking life and limb is taking me, a tent, a week's worth of novels and a box full of fruit to the Ottways leaving my family to fend for themselves.

Today I would be worrying about people in my immediate vicinity - I have a vigorous case of holiday rage going on.

To whoever had the audacity to call me at 8.45am and wake the toddler up on the first day in months that I got to sleep in UNTIL the toddler woke up AND didn't leave a message making the whole waking up exercise pointless:

"I hate you. May 1000 dead camels crush your house."

To the dog groomer who assured me that my dog would be ready at 2pm so there was no need to make a "call me when he's ready" arrangement, only to tell me she was running late when I arrived (out of breath and with my toddler napping unattended at home):

"You really are a retard. Thanks for dropping the dog off a few hours later, but really, if you'd just remembered that the customer is always right, and spent 40 cents on a phone call you could have saved yourself some time and petrol and I might have used your service again. As it is, I won't be back, and I don't care how busy your morning was. I really REALLY don't care. Especially when I've answered the door in half a wetsuit, look hot and bothered, and am slowly closing the door in your face. You're there to make my life easier not turn me into an agony aunt, PLEASE TAKE YOUR EXCUSES AND RAM THEM."

To the Mums who dawdled through Leo's wheeling their prams two abreast so that no-one could get past while nattering about inane celebrity gossip:

"PLEASE GET LIVES and GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY while you are at it."

To the middle aged fat guy who failed to give way to me at the roundabout and gave me a minor heart attack:

A BIG FAT "FUCK YOU".

To the P-plater who was sharing his music's baseline with the entire gridlocked traffic community and who let me in with a nod and a wave when I thought I would NEVER TURN LEFT AGAIN, EVER:

A big fat "THANK YOU", you are a credit to your generation and gave me hope.

I will now cook dinner with a screwdriver while my daughter fills her brain with Fraggle Rock ditties.

Dishwasher gripe - have faith in the engineers.

I have tried to tell the boys in my household that the dishwasher is DESIGNED to handle plates that are stacked one after the other. Very clever people got together, invented it, and tested it with dirty plates. Why then, do they insist on stacking this way??



Have they not heard that it's better for our pocket and our planet if the washer is stacked efficiently? Why do I even bother talking? Actually, I no longer talk. I just sigh, re-stack...



...and vent my frustration passively by "forgetting" to buy icecream. If only they knew...

The living room....

Today everyone helped on the living room. Well, three of us worked while a certain 2yo got in the way and undid everything. Lily Allen's Alright, Still on repeat got us through the worst of the sorting, ditching and cleaning up horrible sticky messes under the couch. We are now relaxing and watching Back to the Future (MJ Fox still gives me tingles) while waiting for our indian to arrive. Our food, that is.

The pics don't really capture the transformation. Note the mantle piece is CD and DVD free and the toys are neatly stacked rather than spilling over the floor...

Before:



After:



What actually happened was that all the toys were dumped on the floor, sorted, and broken stuff chucked away. The board games were all shifted to the TV cabinet and the toy tubs are now shelved so that we can actually open one of the livingroom doors all the way. The whole floor was vacuumed and the inch of dust covering everything was removed. Dust puppies hiding behind furniture were hunted down and exterminated. Yey.

More decluttering... maybe now I'll be able to do the banking?

On Wednesday my desk went from this:



To this:



An indication that I might actually be able to do things like, adjust our banking now that Hubby is being paid weekly instead of monthly (yey!!!!) and maybe, if the stars align.... do our 2007/2008 TAX!!! OMG!!!

Chocolate sauce recipe from things you DO have in your cupboard (if you're me)

I was hunting for a quick chocolate sauce recipe that involved cocoa rather than real chocolate, and didn't require exotic things that I don't have in my cupboard like chocolate, evaporated milk, condensed milk or cream.

Here's one I adapted and it's yummy!

1 cup raw caster sugar
3 tablespoons cocoa
3 tablespoons cornflour
1 cup cold water
half a teaspoon vanilla extract
60 grams salted butter


You can sieve the dried stuff if you like but I just combined them in a saucepan and banged out the lumps with a wooden spoon. Add cold water and vanilla, mix, then dump the chunk of butter in. Stir on medium heat while watching the butter melt (very Zen) and quite soon after the sauce will thicken. Yummo, and in less than ten minutes.

Have just used it to trick my toddler into eating bananas.

You can put the rest in the fridge and it turns into a thick fudge that you can stir into ice-cream for a rather decadent sundae type concoction.

Finally the big de-clutter begins...

Now that there are no distractions such as honours, work, sick mother or funeral I have what seems to be a huge amount of free time (actually a spare five hours a day) w00t! I'm using it to de-clutter and, you guessed it, blog...

Before:



After:



How long will it last I wonder?

Fail Blog and Rachmaninov had big hands

Some funnies for today:

http://failblog.org/

My favourite is still the ship of fail. You have to go right back to the beginning to get it though...

and this:

Rachmaninov had big hands